Trinkets of Eden (Going Inward to Find God)

By: JANA GREENE

We are always trying to pull contentment out of the ethers, somewhere – anywhere – but within. But when all the parts of Me Within feel confused, alone, and despaired, the last thing that seems natural to me is to go inward.

FOOL, THAT”S WHATG I’M TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM.

But I’m thinking I get lost sometimes on my way to my heart’s Eden. Took a wrong turn in Albuquerque, as Bugs Bunny would say. I have ended up in a wretched place, yelling “YOU CALL THIS EDEN?? Psssh.

INWARD is where I learned to be scared. That neighborhood is where I got lost in the first place.

INWARD is where I take to my bed, like an eighteenth-century woman who simply CANNOT with this world anymore.

INWARD has historically been a chasm rather than a resort.

It is a place I was warned against by the church proper. God is on high. He is above us, they say, after also reminding you that God also lives in our hearts.

But they say your heart is also full of deceit, so remember that. Remember that within you is The Creator. But also, indomitable darkness.

What, now?

Finding my way to the God inside me is quite the expedition. I still get turned around sometimes.

But through prayer and meditation, I am finding…

Surely, if God lives within our being, perhaps we all harbor an inner Garden of Eden. A garden where a holy Kudzu takes over, covering the darkness.

A place with so much air to breathe, you don’t feel choked by cruel realities.

A place where it’s safe to rest that was formerly a void.

A place where the grating anxiety has been buried in lush soil, and in its place, becomes a tall willow tree.

A place where the rocks themselves cry out in glorious praise, and music fills the atmosphere.

Where pain can be shushed, if not taken away entirely

Where I don’t have to hide or run.

Or conform to a certain expectation.

I’m learning – very slowly and deliberately – that INWARD is a safe place after all.

INWARD is where all the iterations of me gather in a circle to summon the Grace of God.

INWARD is where I am learning to be calm and quiet, and to search for the trinkets of Eden – calm, peace, balance, hope, and LOVE.

My inner Eden is lush with life, springing forth with new green shoots and popping with vibrant flowers.

It has a bounteous garden, a soft place to sit, and a babbling brook that assures me with each ripple you are safe here.

And in the Garden, which is myself, I find God.

Not so much as an entity of blinding light and booming voice, but as a wise little hobbit, living in a hollowed-out tree, who knows all the answers but whose presence makes me forget I had questions.

He sits with me in the ethers, fully content.

And he will dwell with me INWARD forever and ever, in this glorious place we co-created: my contribution being trust and surrender.

God, being big enough to create all that is glorious in existence; but small enough to come as a hobbit, who has time to sit under a Willow tree with me to consider the miracle of the Most High inhabiting my little human soul.

Amen.