The “Best Self” Morning Huddle

Because sometimes our Current Selves and our Best Selves need a little pow-wow

By: JANA GREENE

BEST SELF: GOOD MORNING! It’s a beautiful day full of promise and potential miracles!”

CURRENT SELF: *HISSES IN UPPERCASE.*

BS: Gently rise from your slumber by birdsong! Thank the birds, as their melodies are the first track on the playlist that will be this day.

CS: I rise by cat, three hours before sunrise, by furry little entitled overlords, yelling “MRROOOOOOOWWWW,” and triggering me to greet the day with “Oh my GOD, not this sh*t again.”

BS: *Facepalm* That’s a little dramatic. Let’s continue.” Be sure to do that little stompy-windmill dance to ascertain which joints need bracing for the day, and then brace your knees and thumb so they don’t go completely sideways, speaking kindess to your body.

CS: We both know sh*t gonna go sideways anyway.

BS: *clears throat*: Okay, back to gratitude. Raise you hands Heavenward, lifts eyes to God, in awe of his majesty, and in preparation to receive the still, small voice of Spirit. *OHMMMM

CS: *Raises hands Heavenward* and promptly subluxes right shoulder joint, followed by the sound of 12 boxes of Rice Crispies being poured into the milk of God’s breakfast bowl as I do the stompy-windmill dance. My sacred and earnest prayer is actually” Snap! Crackle! Pop! Please make this sh*t stop!” (Hey, who’s to say I’m not making a joyful noise unto the Lord with my body, if only providing the percussion?)

BS: How about I steep us some healthy green tea? Full of antioxidants! *Opens cabinet and unopened boxes of green tea in every conceivable variety buries Best Self. * And in a muffled voice: Do it for your body, it is fighting cancer, Ehlers Danlos, POTs, and a bunch of other chronic and painful conditions. If anyone needs antioxidants, it’s us!

CS: Well, you see, for spiritual reasons, I’m brewing a cup of coffee like God intended – with sugar and half-and-half. It tastes like hopes and dreams, and not like God is withholding love from me, which – let’s face it – is what I can only assume with every sip of green tea.

BS: *Sigh* Time for Daily Affirmations! Go stand in front of the mirror and repeat after me: “I am strong!” “I am resilient!” “All will be well!” “I will handle my pain today like an enlightened Zen-Master, and not like a man with a common head cold or the flu.”

CS: Um, I’m kind of feeling ‘man with a common head cold or flu’ vibe today. Woke up feeling sick. How about some “Sh*tfire, this HURTS!” punctuated by “Oh well, make the best of it!” Followed by some primal screaming (what’s the matter CATS? I can scream TOO!) that leads into “I AM A STRONG WARRIOR! “

BS: Well, it’s a little dramatic but….

CS: I’m not done. Concluded by saying all seven of George Carlin’s 7 Dirty Words as my hip rolls out of place, before this prayer: “Thanks for the grace, God. I really need it.”

BS: Um, ending affirmations on a positive – that’s the ticket! Kinda. Wanna hang out tomorrow? We could do all of this together – you and me. Our Best Self and our Current Self don’t have to be at odds, imagine if we joined forces! I’ll allow you the occasional pity party, and you allow me to help you manifest hope, healing, and general badassery?

CS: Can I have an exoskeleton? I saw them on Amazon. They support every joint in the body, plus also makes you look like Optimus Prime. Makes you a bona fide superhero – the kind who leaps tall buildings in a single bound.

BS: Can we settle for some Tiger Balm, braces from CVS, and mobility aid? It’s from Amazon too, just like that exoskeleton.

CS: what.

BS: You could be the kind of superhero who can open jars without dislocating her thumb, put compression socks on by herself, step over a cat without tripping, do laundry without being too tired to complete it, and sometimes have enough energy to join friends for lunch?

CS: I suppose that’ll have to do. Hey, I think maybe we can be friends.

BEST SELF: We can, if you let us. I have such wonderful things to teach you, so that you can enjoy this beautiful, messy, challenging life.

CS: What the hell! I’m IN. Can I at least wear a cape?