Headspace (and Other Wide-Open Places)

By: Jana Greene

Maybe the first eleven years was just practice.

Maybe my first blog – my first child in many ways – was preparing me to write more transparently (and ergo, more dangerously.) It would only make sense. I had an agenda with my first blog, “thebeggarsbakery.com,” without meaning to. The goal – even as it was unspoken to myself – was to be a grown-up “Writer” with a capital “w.” I wanted to carry answers to the big questions confidently, armed only with a background of religiosity and unrealistic expectations. I thought maybe I could even have one of those thingies that everyone else found so attainable, but I have never accomplished – an actual career!

What’s it like to have one of THOSE? I’ve had many jobs throughout the years, but none that brought me fulfillment or made me financially successful. I’ve wanted to write for a living since I could hold a crayon, but although I’ve been published in a national magazine (once), I still just write for therapy and funzies. Maybe that will change one day, but now I write from a place of peace, if not resignation. I’m okay with the fact that I may write for an audience of 1,900 (the total readership of my flagship blog after 11 years,) or 50 acquaintances, or a dozen close friends, or just the two – myself, and my endlessly supportive husband (who has read every word I’ve written since August of 2006, and even some archival stuff.) All of these options are okay with me. I don’t need to get it right, I just need to get this moving.

I MUST write like I must breathe (ugh, how dramatic! But it’s breathwork to me. I’ve recently started attending a writing workshop by my favorite author, Anne Lamott, and every little word she writes is magic because she shares her whole heart, not just the shiny pieces. What a time to start a new blog, I thought. I’ve shared a lot of shiny pieces, but I’m ready to share the rest of it.

So, welcome to my headspace. But more succinctly, welcome to my heart-space. I write in spite of the fact that I still don’t have quick answers to the big questions. My words will come at you, stream-of-consciousness-style. Although I am under no obligation to make sense to you, I’ll give it my level best!

My goal is to write a bit each day; that is my challenge to myself. I aim to “write clear and hard about what hurts,” as Ernest Hemmingway opined. Doesn’t matter about what.

Writing hard and clear about what matters is all I can asplire to. I’ve done myself a disservice in the past by writing about only what is hard and what is clear, since so much of this journey is neither (and/or both.)

And it’s all God’s fault. The Creator of the Cosmos wouldn’t stay in the little box-on-wheels the church gifted me, even though I implored him to keep his arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. You know, for his own safety and mine. He wouldn’t, and so I stuck a finger out the window, just to feel the wind, and now I’m ruined for stale spiritual air heretofore.

Maybe it’s all just practice, ya’ll. Maybe practice is where it’s at anyway. The best things in life are not the things we collect, but what we put into practice in our hearts. Day in, day out, practicing radical love – even when it looks sloppy and we feel unhinged.

So pull up a chair and come alongside me. There will be pearls of wisdom, and absolute drivel, because my headspace is full of both (and more!) Engage with me – I want to know what makes you tick, Dear Reader.

Let’s get this party started, with open minds and hearts. Blessed be, friends. ❤