Even as a Whisper, I Speak

By: JANA GREENE

I speak up for myself now.
Well, sometimes.
As long as it doesn’t rock the boat TOO much.
As long as the person I have conflict with won’t stop loving me because I’m mad.
Only when I’ve rolled the issue OVER and OVER I’m my brain ad nauseam and have decided I’m with a safe person.
Only after I’ve played out the worst case scenario in my head, mini-grieved the possible outcomes.
And after I speak my peace (because I’ve learned my peace has value, too,) I will fret and worry that I’ve upset someone.
Doesn’t matter if it concerns life events or little frustrations, I speak.
Even if it’s a whisper, I speak.
Even though I know assertion-guilt will try to make me feel like a bad human.
I’m starting – with fits and stops – to say when I’ve been hurt or bothered, even though I’ve been a people pleaser all my life.
So…
No,
You cannot talk to me like that.
Little Me had no say, but I’m re-parenting her, you see.
I’m teaching her things I should have taught my daughters, and must have somehow over the years.
They speak up for themselves, without fear of abandonment, because they know they’re safe.
And Little Me is safe now too, finding her voice and using it.

December 12, 2024 0

A Cancer Patient’s Prayer (my CLL Journey)

By: JANA GREENE

The Lord is my best friend, I shall not be alone.

He’s with me when I lie down on PET Scan tables.

He refreshes me with Living Water. when I’m parched with worry.

He restores that elusive thing called hope, even as I can’t lift my head.

He holds my hand when scary labs results give me panic attacks, and sits beside me in waiting rooms, waiting.

Even though I am dealing with cancer, I will fear no evil.

For the Great Physician is with me.

His Spirit is comfort to me, when I am poked and prodded, and the pain is too much.

He prepares a way where I see none, through presence of those he sends to support me.

He anoints my heart with love stronger than sickness, until my cup overflows.

Surely no matter the prognosis, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of this precious life.

And he will dwell within this hurting body with me, strengthening me until it hurts no more, forever.

Amen.

(Based on the 23rd Psalm)

July 6, 2024 0

Keep Going Kiddo

Okay, it’s giving 4th grade
(but I’m a child of God, sooo…)

By: Jana Greene

I used to doodle a lot in church. Some would call it “prophetic art.” I’m of the mind that all art is prophetic, in that it releases energy. It releases dreams.

This week has been a most difficult week…maybe one of the most difficult ever. Bad news stacked on bad news. But still, deep inside, it is well with my soul. Not my body – and certainly not in my mind!

But my soul? A peace that I have NO business having – on paper. I can only thank God for making sure my spiritual sails were hoisted and my rudder steady. He saw it coming. And he made a way.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way.

But also when sorrows like sea billows roll.

This morning, I doodled again. I got the message loud and clear:

KEEP GOING, KIDDO.

Let the chips fall, but keep going. Accept bad news, but keep going. Cry, scream, and give God a WHAT-FOR. But keep going. You can walk forward while shaking your fist at the sky, I promise!

Maybe your inner kiddo needs reminding too. I’ll keep going if you will.

And thanks, Lord. Because whatever my lot, you have taught me to say, “It is well, it is well, with my soul.”

I hope it is well with yours, friend.

June 15, 2024 0

Taking Custody of the Inner Child

I know life isn’t like a Haribo commercial gummy bear commercial, where we all sit around the board table and infantilize ourselves in a quest to satisfy an inner child. But dang. Maybe we should. We should at least talk kindly to ourselves! Namaste, friend. The child in me recognizes the child in you. ❤

By: JANA GREENE

I spend time with a little girl every day.

Even the days I am very busy.

Even on the days she is a bit of a pest.

She is enthusiastic, sometimes whiny,

always craving affection and being a little clingy.

She is healing from trauma, you see.

Sometimes I don’t even know what to do with her.

I acknowledged her from time to time, sure.

But I ignored her whenever possible.

But she was mostly a nuisance,

and I used to not know what to say to her.

You see,

for the longest time,

I didn’t have custody of her at all,

which is crazy because she’s ME.

Of course I had physical custody,

but the goal was just to make sure she didn’t hurt herself,

didn’t starve,

wasn’t cold or hungry.

But mental, emotional, and spiritual custody?

She was on her own.

Now we are pals I’m happy to say.

I’m not saying she doesn’t get on my last nerve,

but she’s learning that she doesn’t have to be small,

and take up the least amount of space,

all of the time.

She is seen, and she is heard, and she is loved.

I used to bristle at the term “inner child.”

because I thought mine was gone.

I thought I was too late.

That’s the lie we believe –

that we are damaged right out of the gate,

never to be whole again.

To that I say BALDERDASH!

Please know that you can reparent yourself.

You can make your inner child feel safe.

You can make sure she feels seen and heard.

You can rediscover all the things she loved

but never got to share with you.

I love my inner little squirt now.

Get to know yours; I know she’s ready

for her turn.

March 20, 2024 2