By: JANA GREENE
Facing denial is the first step in learning to let go, I think.
It is the antidote to collecting fears, the harmful beliefs of our foremothers, and illusionary truths and biases, a looming pachyderm portent we are afraid to acknowledge. It takes up the whole “living room” – our inner thought world, our belief systems, and even our psyches. Until we deal with it, it makes itself at home, and we enable it, all day long.
Once we give a nod to what we have been denying (and train that damn elephant, instead of letting it take up so much headspace) we can often learn to let go of…
Pretending our habits and hangups are not destructive
The alcoholic propensity for denial, one that certainly takes up the whole room. Many years ago in active addiction, I had to recognize my elephantine blindless. To reclaim my life, I sat in dank church basements, drinking bad coffee with others who seemed to understand me, until I could admit to others there wer monumental issues in my life keeping me sick.
As we learn to let go, we can release….
The weight of our own unrealistic expectations.
Okay, I’m really good at this one. Set the bar so high, I can’t even get a leg over, and then be disappointed in myself that I’m not “good enough” when I fall off the bar altogether and land on my face. Taaa-DAAA!
Believing the negative things others say about us.
This is especially hard to let go of, because I have convinced myself over a lifetime of anxiety that “they” must be “right.” But nobody gets to say what’s right about me, but me. Isn’t that liberating? You can completely ignore the BS people spread about you.
Penchant for people pleasing.
If I know you, I want to make you happy, at the expense of my own happiness, if need be. And frankly, that’s whack. I am not Chick-fil-A. It is not always “my pleasure” to put everyone else’s needs before my own.
That shitty little voice in our heads that convince us we are not enough.
It has played in a loop in my head for neigh on 57 years now. Whatever I can accomplish with my chronic illness each day is my best. Because giving my best is enough, always. It has to be.
Going beyond belief in angry God.
This shift was a game-changer for me. It reframes the entire gospel, and it is a balm to my soul. Not to mention the God of the Old Testament was very little like Jesus. Very little like Love. And my God is quite literally LOVE itself.
Wondering if it’s okay to have doubts.
Yes, it’s okay, of COURSE it’s okay. It’s faith-building, even.
Attempting to fix other people’s problems.
This is a toughie. But I’m learning. I am also learning to say, “what will be, will be,” and actually believe that things will work out just as they should, although I do this in fits and starts.
The soul-sucking monkey on our backs.
Our addictions hijack our focused intention, dull our shine, deplete our energy, and become a barrier to hearing from God within you.
…And the elephant in the living room.
A “Keeping up with the Joneses” mentality.
The Joneses have their own monkeys and elephants. Stay in your ring; they have their own crazy circus.
The belief that there is a separateness between you and God.
This one is a humdinger and will make all the other items easier to let go of. You are not disconnected to God, and frankly, you can’t do anything to become separate from him.
The belief that you’re all alone and we are separate from each other.
We are all connected. Every single one of us. And connected to our Source, too.
I don’t know what your elephant looks like – if its substance use disorder, or a crippling family secret, or abuse you’ve never healed from, or depression. Whatever you are giving a wide berth to in your life cannot be trained and managed in a healthy way until it’s processed. To let go of it, you have to first see it. And when you see it, you can heal from it.
…And that elephant?
That thing you need to address but keep stepping over, walking around, or ignoring altogether? Ask it’s name. Get to know it. And then politely show it the door.
Words by Jana Greene 
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