Just Step In (Floaties are Perfectly Fine)

By: JANA GREENE

Why is starting something again so much harder than starting it at all?

Four years ago, I tore a muscle in my hip doing water aerobics in a class of 80 year old women. I thought I would really do some high kicks in the water that day, because I was feeling particularly able-bodied. The final kick was a doozy – you should have seen that range! Almost as high as the bills from the orthopedic doctor.

I have not been back in the water since. Nor have I been that able-bodied. First because of physical therapy, then because of other Ehlers Danlos related pain.

Then because of the pandemic, then because it was too hot, then I decided the pool membership was to expensive, then – as is befitting a women in a class of 80 year olds – it’s too peopley there.

So basically I made an excuse sundae topped with complaints. And while I was placing a pity-party cherry on top, four years and some major muscle atrophy happened.

It’s very humbling to be a 55 year old who cannot hang in the shallow end of swimming pool with a class of elderly ladies. They handed my ass to me before I had the hip injury. I know I don’t stand a chance with them now.

So I started again again..

For four years I have stayed out of the water – all water. I have sighed longingly at the ocean, knowing I was not strong enough to stay upright in even the smallest waves. I’ve passed swimming pools with an ache in my heart. For a person who would almost rather be in the water as dry land, it’s been hard.

So today I swam. For twenty minutes, I walked back and forth across the length of the shallow end. Back and forth, over and over, just to get the hang of walking in mild resistance.

Then I strapped on some grown-up floaties and braved the deep end. I doggy paddled until my legs felt like overcooked spaghetti, and much to my surprise exiting the pool, they worked like overcooked spaghetti too.

It was hard to start, mainly because the mental gymnastics that led up it were more exhausting than swimming. I made it so difficult in my mind, when I could have just pulled on a suit, drove to the pool, and just stepped in.

So I guess that’s my sage advice today: Just step in. Because yes, it’s hard, and your legs will feel like noodles. But you’ll feel really proud of yourself starting the thing you dread.

Floaties are fine, both the literal and figurative. Just start the thing, and then you will have the starting – the habit – done, and look forward to swimmin’ to the oldies with those badass aerobics ladies again. (No karate kicks this time.)

Stay tuned for more exciting adventures of living with chronic illness!